


we're on the same path

by panthershabit



Category: Bandersnatch - Fandom, Black Mirror
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, LSD, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Recreational Drug Use, Reunions, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-03 21:38:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17291906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panthershabit/pseuds/panthershabit
Summary: The night after Colin's apartment, Stefan doesn't know what to do next. But he refuses to believe what he saw.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> at the end, feedback will have a very vital part to this work. hope you enjoy!

Stefan couldn't believe what he saw from the night before. No, he _refused_ to believe what he saw.

"Colin!" Stefan yelled the instance he woke from his drug-labored slumber.

All that played back was that same daunting image in his head, the two of them going from holding each other with wild smiles to the freezing cold outside his apartment on the balcony. The brown-haired boy hadn't even cared about the temperature or the position of where they stood. It was only when the blonde boy in front of him had suggested jumping that he'd cowardly backed into the corner and lost his smile.

 _God_ , why did Colin have to ask _him_?

He was tripping on LSD and hadn't taken Colin's question seriously. If he'd known - or did he? No, he wouldn't have said for his friend to... _would he_?

Stefan rose from his bed and the first instinct he felt was to be sick. His throat tightened and if he could, he would dirty the entire white striped covers on his bed if it made him feel remotely better. But it wouldn't. The second instinct that effectively kicked in was to cry which proved to be the superior feeling as he did exactly that. He'd not even stepped two steps from his bed and now he was almost crippled with agony, falling to his knees and clinging onto his bedsheets as he wept into them.

His despair was muffled as he buried his face into the covers but he still felt the full effect of it.

Nobody could help him in this time of loss and he didn't want his father to hear him crying in case he pushed more therapy sessions onto him, the ones he attended already were droning to him and reminded him of why he was so unhappy. 

But then again, if he'd gone to his therapy session, he'd have never followed Colin back to his place, and maybe Colin wouldn't have had someone to ask the question. He'd still be alive. But as Stefan pushed the guilty thought into his mind, it switched once he began to remember parts of their conversation.

_'Same path...doesn't matter...'_

There was something Stefan was missing. 

After a minute of staring blankly into the sheet he clung onto, Stefan composed himself and slowly stood up on his feet. 

He walked to the bathroom, deliberately avoiding any noise to wash his face and start the day afresh with no questions from his father about his red eyes or blocked nose.

There, he saw the container of pills both his father and therapist insisted on taking but he looked in the mirror and heard Colin's voice again.

_'People think there's one reality, but there's loads of them...'_

With that tinge of Colin's voice playing back in his head, Stefan denied the pills the action of being swallowed. He pined for answers and these pills were sure as hell not going to help him find the answer he wanted.

Breakfast was awkward, more so for Stefan because he didn't know what to say. _Sorry for not talking Dad, I took drugs last night and watched my friend die, which I told him to do_. There was no easy way about it.

Unfortunately for him, his father was not so eager to keep the conversation mute and frowned as he took an inhalation of smoke from his cigarette. "Stefan, what's the matter? You don't seem yourself, should I book an ap-"

"No, Dad," Stefan interrupted sternly. It was just under a shout but it certainly wasn't an indoor voice. "I'm just stressed about the game."

Peter exhaled the sheet of grey smoke from his mouth and lowered his frown slowly, still concerned about his son.

"If the game is stressing you out, perhaps you should take them up on their deal of doing it over there. You'd have the resources."

 Stefan sighed and looked down. He was still in his clothes from the prior day and decided going out in the same clothes would be better than this conversation.

"Sorry, Dad, I've got to go and work on the game. I'll see you later," Stefan hurried, practically jumping from the table and leaving the house.

"Stefan, you haven't even had-"

The door slammed and Peter was to one to sigh now.

"-your tea."

Stefan couldn't even listen to music as he recalled the journey to his therapist, and then the location he'd found Colin. He retraced his steps with heavy concentration until he found the apartment complex he'd been in. But there was a distinct lack of police tape, which confused Stefan. Even with the amount of time it had been since Stefan got home, someone would have found the body.

Wait.

How _did_ he get home? 

All Stefan could recall was seeing some form of demonic thing after telling Kitty about Colin jumping and waking up in his bed, hearing _'Relax'_ for what seemed like the millionth time.

But there was nothing to be seen. No vans, no tape. Nothing. The young man practically darted up the building to find Colin's door and knocked over and over until an orange-haired woman answered it.

"Alright alr...oh, it's you, that Steven boy-"

"Stefan."

"That's it. You haven't seen Colin around, have you? Did he leave with you last night?"

Stefan's eyes almost bulged upon hearing that. Suddenly, his confirmation of Colin's death in his mind was quashed.

"Don't you remember, last night? I told you, he jumped?"

"What's that mean, is that a word for something? Jumped where? All I remember was you sweating like a pig and reading a book like it was a comedy."

Suddenly it was getting difficult for Stefan to comprehend everything and he backed away from Kitty.

"I, uh, need to, um, go. I'll talk to you later."

Before Kitty could protest he removed himself from the conversation by walking away and now his skin was beginning to glaze with sweat.

_What the fuck?_

What if he had dreamt the whole thing up, where was Colin?

By the time Stefan had gotten to the Tuckersoft building, he was a dazed and confused mess. Anybody who tried to talk to him got a stuttered response and even Thakur couldn't calm him down. 

The next few days were torture for Stefan, his boss had insisted he worked on the game at home like they agreed, especially with the display Stefan put on, and his father kept pushing for him to go to therapy. 

The next time Stefan looked into the mirror, he was home alone and had dark circles under his eyes. He'd looked at the pills and considered finishing it there if it meant seeing Colin again.

Those days opened up Stefan's mind as to why the guilt was so severe. He'd missed the one person who made him feel normal, who'd shown him the world in its reality (well, realities). Not only did he look up to the blonde game designer, but he loved him.

Stefan couldn't recall the last time he felt a way about someone, but this was for sure. That hold Colin had Stefan in, the way Stefan had told Colin that _he'd_ die and not the both of them, he never cared about himself in that situation.

How close their faces were, how close they could have been to doing more if Stefan had just said ' _yes_ ' instead of ' _I guess_ '.

He poured the pills into his hand to swallow the entirety of them but before his palm reached his mouth the doorbell rang and the noise swiveled Stefan's head.

A part of him wanted to take the pills, to give him a chance of finding Colin in a reality where he was alive, but another didn't, still unsure of whether or not Colin was really dead. It was almost as if he had two choices to make and he only had a matter of seconds to choose before something chose for him.

* * *

**TAKE THE PILLS**

**ANSWER THE DOOR**

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefan opens the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a while but here's the option you picked. Thank you to everyone who picked a choice and participated, commented, gave kudos or even just read :)
> 
> I always planned to give the ending just there and then, no extension, so I hope you don't find it underwhelming.

Stefan sighed, slowly lowering his hand to the sink. He placed the pills back in the container and looked at the bathroom door once the doorbell rang a second time. He could always just tell the ringer to fuck off and just kill himself after. As he made his way to the main hall he couldn't make out the blurry figure behind the glass panel in his door. 

"Hello?" 

No response. As odd as it was, it failed to deter Stefan from approaching the door and he hesitated at first. Why was he opening the door? He could have simply taken the pills and waited for someone to find him - this person at the door would likely give up and leave yet he was still responding to the noise. Maybe he wasn't so sure if he wanted to die.

No. He was.

Stefan shook his head trying to rid himself of the suicidal doubt in his head and he opened the door, only to see something he'd never believe, and didn't believe. It was a blonde, spiky-haired man who looked too familiar for Stefan to believe it was real.

"C-Colin?"

Colin stood at the door, impatiently, waiting to be let in as if it were nothing and Stefan's breath spiked. He was both frantic and confused, unaware of how this could even be a possibility. His heart pulsed while Colin seemed to just be bored.

"That's me...so are you gonna let me in?"

"B-But you, you, you  _jumped_! I watched you  _jump_! Where have you been?"

Colin simply furrowed a brow and looked at him as if he was speaking a different language but he could see the boy was obviously distressed.

"Just calm down, alright? Let me come in."

Stefan wouldn't move but suddenly impulse told him if he didn't act he'd lose the chance to ever see if this was real or not. He moved his hands to Colin's jaw and held him in place before him.

"I thought you died...I never got to say..."

Colin eased into his hold and gazed into his eyes as he watched Stefan slowly calm down.

"Say what?"

With a deep breath, Stefan forgot everything. The game he was designing that mentally tormented him, the day he thought he'd lost Colin forever and the constant battle of whether the reality he lived in was fiction or not. The only thing on his mind was that moment Colin held his face between his palms. Now he was doing the same thing with someone he'd never want to watch disappear again.

"I...love you, Colin. And I don't care if I wake up a million times and it's the same or different but I'll never feel any other way..."

The game designer was unsure of some of the things he mentioned but only what mattered really played through his mind. He simply smiled and looked at Stefan, who lowered his hands away from him.

"Right. Well, I supposed you really should let me in, then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stefan finally got his happy ending :)

**Author's Note:**

> don't worry, if nobody comments i'll just pick the ending chapter lol


End file.
